I Need A Spotter

I don't go to a normal gym. And you might be thinking, but wait, what is a normal gym? You see, a normal gym is with people that look like this....

She's totally a normal gym goer doing normal gym people things - Rowing machine, squats after, maybe a quick run on the treadmill, and then off to flirt with the hot juice bar guy (or gal - she's spontaneous like that)

He's thinking normal people thoughts: "Oh man that chick on the elliptical is soo hot. I think I'm going to watch Dexter later. I hope that was just a fart...yeah I'm clear. Shower time!"

However, my gym is full of people that look like this...

RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!!! TESTOSTERONE!

These muscles are no joke...and neither is her hair.  Home girl is cut.

DEADLIFTS!!! STRENGTH!!! PROTEIN!!!

Which leads me to start this journey of chronicling my decision to join a body builders gym. Now, please don't think that I am making fun of or trying to insult those who are more fortunate than me in the muscle department.  If I looked like Mrs. Cut From Marble up there, I would be blogging about how to crack walnuts with my ass cheeks, but I don't...so this is what you get. 

Recently, I had to have surgery to correct an issue that kept me from working out for almost 5 years.  I was able to maintain a healthy weight, however, there is no way I could be described as physically active....I also really loved nachos...so there's also that.

My decision to join this particular gym actually happened because I used to be a member back when it was a normal gym (see description of normal above). After a setback or two with my health, I had to go on such a limited activity schedule that I basically went from normal sized to this:

Nachos. I need them.

 Needless to say it wasn't a good look and I kept getting cheese all over my second chin.  I had surgery, lost all that excess weight (ohmygod so much weight), and now I'm back to normal pre-surgery size.

After getting the go-ahead from Dr. Miracle-Worker, I went back to the "normal, awesome gym for normal people" and I couldn't believe it...staring me right in the face when I walked in was the stupidly lovable governator of California, Arnold Schwarznegger!!!!!  (Technically, it was a cardboard cut out from Pumping Iron, but you get the point.)  The gym is using that movie to market their "specialty" and within 7 minutes, this is what I learned:

People can actually do this

And I look like this